Why be healthy if you get cancer anyway?

I am going to use the clichéd word here once that is often associated with cancer which is ‘journey’. It’s a strange one to me as other chronic conditions, like heart disease or diabetes aren’t met with the same question ‘so how has your heart attack journey been’?  From my perspective, I don’t really like the word journey. To me it implies travel, movement from one place to another. It might be a great holiday or long drive, it’s certainly not spending time in hospitals. So for me, I like to use the word experience – that’s what it is. A life experience that moulds and shapes you.

A big part of my cancer experience was reconciling that with my pursuit of health and wellbeing, here I was infertile and with advanced cancer in my earlier thirties. I would often think to myself, why bother. Lots of other unhealthy people have babies and don’t have significant medical illness. It’s the injustice that stings.

All of this is part of the good old change or grief curve. Something that I know I have been through with all my experiences – the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance. So in my anger when I was feeling the injustice of being healthy, I started to wonder if I would continue to live my life so healthy. The amazing thing about this change curve, is that with time (and unfortunately there is no way to speed this up), you do come to a level of acceptance. What this meant for me was accepting what is and choosing to still live a life by my values. Our core values tend to not change much over our life. So as frustrated as I was, I did revert back to health and wellness being a value for me.

Even if health and wellness isn’t a value for you, I think it’s important to share some of the realisations I had once I got back to this place of acceptance.   I reflect on how being healthy helped with my cancer, rather than the frustration on why being healthy didn’t protect me from getting it in the first place.

First of all, the lump that came up from the tumor in my lymph was so small to begin with. The size of a pea in my upper thigh near my groin. The medical team all said that I was fortunate to have identified it so early. This was only possible as I was fit and a healthy weight – had I been carrying excess fat, I wouldn’t have felt it.

Once all the mayhem of medical appointments started, I had to decide in the first few days after being diagnosed if I wanted to go into a clinical trial. Once I had made the decision that I would and I wanted to do all that I could to smash this, I was then told there were a lot of physical requirements that needed to be meet. I can’t remember them all to be honest but it was things I would have never expected, including general weight and health, cholesterol levels and even a gut microbiome sample (yes that is a super gross test if you haven’t had one done).

Being 33, I don’t think I had ever had my cholesterol checked. I was then starting to worry that I may not be eligible for the trial. And it makes sense, they need a healthy sample of patients to know if the treatment works. Otherwise it may not work for other reasons. When I was eligible, I was immediately so grateful that I have always prioritised my health and wellbeing. I had no idea my life would be turned upside in a second. There would have been no time to ‘get in shape’ or clean up my diet like so many of us do in time for summer. So for me, a big reason I have continued to be so healthy is that I never know when my cancer may come back or I may get thrown another curve ball. If you are always the healthiest version of yourself, you can’t have regrets if that day comes.

I was also so grateful that I was fit and healthy when it came time for my surgery recovery. When I work up in hospital after my surgery, catheter in (check that off the old bucket list), 2 drains coming out of my groin draining blood and lymph and the most amount of pain I had ever been in, I was grateful I had fitness & upper body strength. Those handles they have on hospitals beds – I never understood how much those are needed when you are in there. I could not use my legs for a period of time and needed to use my upper body strength to do things like sit up straighter in bed and just move and adjust. I can’t imagine how tough that must be for people without a good level of fitness and core strength. I was grateful that I had this, it made my recovery just that little bit easier. It also means I bounced back much quicker. The standard time to be in hospital for that surgery was a week and I was back home after 3 nights. Once I could go to the bathroom myself, I was out of there. Mind you it was not glamourous to watch me get around at home! I had the 2 drains in my leg for about 6 weeks but as I was able to start walking sooner than most due to my fitness, these were taken out ahead of time.

Once the pathology of my surgery was back, we learnt that my melanoma had a BRAF genetic mutation. The bad news was that this is highly aggressive. The good news was that I caught it early (thanks to be healthy) and my targeted therapy could now be tailored to this specific mutation. How amazing is science! Once again though I felt the sting of striving to be healthy -my melanoma wasn’t even caused by the sun, I was getting this no matter what. Great work genes. Another big part of my cancer experience was developing secondary lymphedema in my left leg that I will now have the rest of my life. Again while I could be so frustrated and think ‘why bother being healthy’, it is a condition that is actually worsened by poor lifestyle factors. Being inactive and eating poorly exacerbates the symptoms. And even though I make healthy choices most of the time, I can certainly feel the difference in my leg when I don’t.

So even though I can’t control my genetics that caused the cancer or my lymphedema as a result, my healthy choices may have completely changed the outcome. Maybe I wouldn’t have caught it early, maybe I wouldn’t have responded to treatment, maybe my lymphedema would be so advanced that I couldn’t walk. So no matter what you have been through, I truly believe there is always a reason to be healthy because you never know when life is going to change. Its not if, but when. And being the best version of you when that happens, both physically and mentally will be worth it. If you make overall health and wellness your goal, rather than a weight or size it is such a more powerful driver for your behaviour.